Devotions for Disciples

Ephesians 5:21-33

While no family is perfect, God has a perfect plan for the family. We see that plan mapped out for us in Ephesians 5:21-6:4. There is a husband, a wife, and children. In our fallen world, not every family looks like this, but there is hope that every family, regardless of its makeup, can become part of God’s perfect plan. What does it take to make that happen?

Verse 21 tells us that God’s plan requires mutual submission, not because husbands and wives have identical roles but because we choose a shared posture of humility expressed in different, God-designed ways. We tend to leave this verse out when we talk about the family, but when we do, we miss the major message of this entire passage. Life in the Spirit is characterized by mutual submission, a concept that is offensive to many people, even when we look at the marriage relationship. We leave it out because we don’t have a grasp of what mutual submission truly is. The Greek word Paul used for submission was hupōtassō which literally means “to arrange [ourselves] under” leading to the concept of “voluntary subordination.” According to Jesus, that is true Christianity: putting others first. As in most relationship issues, one of the major causes of marital problems is husbands and wives refusing to put the other first. 

Paul says to wives, “Submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord.” God’s plan for marriage requires wives to graciously submit to their husbands in a way that resembles their relationship with the Lord. Paul is not talking about domination. He is not implying that wives be treated as inferiors. God never condones and does not honor a harsh, cruel, degrading subjection of our wives, but He does expect voluntary submission from them. This not-so-simple act on the part of a woman truly defines the triumph of love between a husband and wife and demonstrates authentic Christian faith. 

The apostle also says, “…let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Paul used an interesting word to describe the wife’s relationship to her husband. Phobeō. It literally means reverence or respect and is the same word used for the reverential awe that Christians have for God. He is saying that gracious submission is respectful submission. This may be difficult for some to accept, but a wife is required to respect her husband for who he is and for what he does. Some women may struggle with this because their husbands are unbelievers, and nothing they have done has made a difference. My encouragement to you is to do everything in your power to respect him, knowing that respect does not mean excusing sin, enabling abuse, or remaining silent in the face of danger. But understand that lost men are going to do what lost men are going to do. That is why you are called to live a life that will draw them towards Jesus. 

Paul also speaks to the husbands, “…love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church….” Men, your response to your wife’s submission and respect is agape love, the same kind of love Christ has for His church. The pattern for your love can be traced back to the cross where Jesus died sacrificially for all people. He willingly suffered pain and death despite our flaws, faults, and imperfections. You must love your wife in the same way, willingly giving yourself to and for them. When you do, you create an environment where gracious submission can flourish.

Husbands should also love their wives in a sanctifying way. Christ loved the church so much that He provides cleansing for it through “the washing of water by the word” so that we will be holy and without blemish. What word? The Word of God. Husbands that sacrificially love their wives provide spiritual leadership in their homes by teaching the Word to their families, praying for their needs to be met, and allowing the Holy Spirit to convict of sin and call to righteousness.

Here is the teaching of this passage in a nutshell: When wives love their husbands enough to live for them and husbands love their wives enough to die for them, the two truly become one flesh and begin to walk the path towards the perfect Christian family.